Oops! Where Did That Come From?

There I was, surrounded by friends, in the middle of a heated discussion, getting more and more frustrated at where this conversation was heading. When out of the blue, words spouted out of my mouth like a gumball machine out of control.

Words I hadn’t said in years and thought I had forgotten. Words spoken in anger and frustration. Mouths gaping open, those in the room stared at me in silence. No one was more shocked than I. Turning away, I felt hot tears well up in my eyes as I fled the room.

Running from myself more than anyone else. I took a deep breath when I reached the brisk spring air waiting for me on the other side of heavy double doors. I walked to the brick retaining wall and sat down. Engulfed in shame and disbelief I cried.

It had been a long time since I had lost control like this. Not only raising my voice, yelling, but cussing and spouting hurtful words. Why? This was normal for angry Lyn, however, was totally out of character for God’s Lyn.

Shame was the only emotion I felt.

Satan had briefly taken control. I prayed for God’s forgiveness and help to remove the Evil One’s presence.

How did I boil over to the point of explosion? Honest reflection transcends into an avenue towards learning.

Friends, I hope that my honest reflection will help you to become aware of these points and keep you away from the boiling point.

• Spending a few minutes to start my day by reading the Bible, meditation and prayer keep me grounded. As few as five to ten minutes can make a huge difference.                                                 The previous two weeks had been hectic. On top of my normal busy days, there were phone calls to make, project assignments to complete, doctor appointments, and meetings. My ten to twenty plus minutes started dropping off. I remembered the last time I spent time with God. Interrupted by a phone call I never found a way to return to my personal time with Him.  I skipped, the next day, and the next, and the next before I made a promise to myself and God I would return as soon as this project was completed.
• I felt myself becoming more frustrated a few days before the incident. In the meeting, I knew my frustration was building and did nothing to check that feeling.                                                                                                                     I asked myself where the frustration was coming from. The answer directed my next step in dealing with my feelings. When I can’t pinpoint the cause, it is time to take a break from the situation and discover the why.
• A strong discussion is full of a variety of viewpoints. I had to learn to listen to understand another’s viewpoint without taking what they disagreed with personally. I practiced reviewing points we agreed on and disagreed on. When I focus on the positive and build the discussion with a positive focus, I am less likely to take what they say personally. Bonus points; the discussion now has a positive platform to build on.
• Frustration can turn into anger in an instant. This is the boiling point. Satan is watching for an opportunity to ambush and derail. When I become angry, I excuse myself and step away from the situation.                                           I learned that what triggers me to become angry at myself is the hardest to correct. Frequently, this anger is what trips me up, tumbling me into an unnecessary tirade. When I am unable to correct anger at myself it is dissipated by taking it out on those around me. It’s not their fault, it’s mine.
• Words spoken in anger hurt. I focus on loving others in everything I do. Angry words don’t demonstrate how Jesus taught me to love others. Apologize as quickly as possible. I state how my outburst occurred, that I know my words hurt them, what I learned and what steps I will take to prevent it from happening in the future. I ask for their forgiveness.  

My honest reflection showed me this outburst didn’t just happen. It had been brewing for a while. I   wasn’t doing what I normally do to keep myself so I can give my best. The truth is; it is important to take care of ourselves in body, mind, and spirit. They all work together.

I hope you can learn from my journey and you can focus on one or two points you can use to help yourself. I didn’t learn this overnight. It took a long time for me to see the mistakes I was making and learn to correct them. Wishing you success in your journey.

What one point do you feel speaks to you the most?

Do you have a tip you use to help you from getting to the boiling point to share with others?