“Relax,” I told myself as I laid down on the large therapy table, adjusting my body to the firmness and cool vinyl covering. I watched the squirrels through the window scampering up the bare tree as I attempted to block out the sounds around me, preparing for the touch I knew was coming. Anticipation and fear worked together to protect my tender leg from pain.
Louise raised the table to her working height. Simultaneously, I felt my left thigh tighten as the upward motion stopped. She placed her hands to support my leg as she tenderly lifted it.
“Relax,” she said, “relax,” rocking my leg back and forth to help. “Relax,” her soft voice reassured and comforted my thoughts.
“I’m trying,” I said as my quadriceps clinched. Anticipation strikes again. “Relax,” I tell, no, demand myself to comply.
“I know you are,” her voice seemed distant this time.
Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths allowing by hips to melt into the table top. I tried to block out what Louise was doing urging muscles to go limp.
“Relax,” another voice I know well spoke. “It’s always difficult for you to relax.”
As if on cue my mind segue to another time when the Holy Spirit spoke to me. “Let go; He protects you. Let go and relax in God’s love.”
I allowed myself to stay and rest. I felt protected and loved as the Holy Spirit reminded me to “Rest in the Father’s embrace.”
“Ouch!” I blurted with a moan. “That’s tender!” I propelled back into reality.
There are times when I anticipate a change coming. Like when I predict the therapist’s movements as she massages knotted muscles to relax. Expectation stimulates my defenses — my body guarding against what might happen with tension.
A natural instinct, self-protection plays a role in physical and emotional pain. Starting as a healthy response to protect it leads to unhealthy responses built on fear. Walls and barriers fabricated to shield me from being injured again.
I don’t like pain; it punishes my senses. I know the sting of betrayal and the torment of endless surgeries. I rebuild walls around the damaged places of my heart and guard strained muscles with a pack of imaginary guard dogs, always on the ready to prevent the beginning of new torment. Anticipated pain has morphed into a bundle of fears.
Fear looms around every corner — an instrument of deceit designed by Satan to undermine my happiness. It works too!
If I see a snake on the walking trail, I am going to be afraid. I know that some snakes are poisonous — a natural protection response based on truth.
Satan placed another fear in my heart when I was a child. His lie said, “If you tell them you need help they will know you are weak then they will reject you.” This is a lie. Lies crafted to keep me from having healthy relationships, being authentic, and shame I have an issue. These untruths grew into an unfounded fear capable of keeping me isolated, and unworthy.
Satan’s style of fear is being afraid of something in the future that will cause pain. The anticipation of emotional discomfort becomes a real belief capable of derailing my well being. Based on a lie I am unable to discover any truth in its premise. The agony it generates is just as real preventing me from seeking the truth.
I wonder, how many times I have let anticipation, and fear keep me from resting in God’s abundant love. Too many times to count, I’m sure.
Whenever I take time to relax in the Father’s embrace, I can distinguish between the truth and the Evil One’s lies. I gain strength to fight the lies in his playground. The more I stand in God’s truth, the less Satan’s lies have a platform in my heart.
What is a fear you have and how do you deal with it?
